WHITE TRASH IN THE SNOW
by Allison
CHAPTER THIRTY_NINE
“Let’s get out of there early. There's a boxing match on TV
tonight,” Tad said.
Rachael was holding her long hair up while he fumbled to secure
the clasp on the diamond pendant. The necklace was a gift he’d given her on their nineteenth anniversary
two months prior.
“I’m with you,” she replied, “Not about the boxing, of
course, no… about keeping this thing short. It wasn’t my idea, you know. Mom
and Dad mean well, but getting together with the Strausses is all for naught. There’s
no way these people are going to become part of our family. So here’s the game
plan. I’m going to be polite, but not friendly. You follow my lead; we don’t
want them gettin’ the idea that next month we’ll be havin’ them over for Thanksgiving
dinner or somethin’.”
Tad had been home only a day and he needed to catch up on
his wife’s most recent ideas about how to handle the problem presented by
Cristol. They didn’t have pillow talk like normal couples, because he slept in
a recliner in the living room, so he was taking this opportunity while they were behind closed doors and
getting dressed to go to his inlaws to
make nice with Wrangler’s family.
Tad hovered near and watched Rachael apply red lipstick.
She pressed her lips together and smiled at her own reflection. “Okay,” he said, “So, when are we going to
talk to -”
A raised palm stopped him. “Yup, yup, I’ve got that
planned, too.” Holding her hand in the air but not taking her eyes off her own
image, she held him in abeyance and tilted her chin up, then left, then
right, inspecting her makeup job for
another five seconds. Apparently satisfied, she turned around and gave her
attention to Tad. “It’ll have to be Sunday after church. Your job will be to make
Cristol get out of bed to go. She’s gonna whine and complain but she’s gotta be
there. And you, too, Tad. No whining. I promised months ago that the First
Family would show up on Harvest Sunday. And your other job is to make sure she
keeps her jacket on all through the service. Got that?” “We’re going to church
on Sunday?”
“Yes, of course. It’s one of the major holidays.”
“What major holiday? It’s too soon for Thanksgiving.”
“Pay attention Tad! I told you, it’s Harvest Sunday. Didn’t
I say that? I’m sure I did.” She turned
back to the mirror and began brushing her hair. Her reverse image glared at
him.
“Have I got it covered?”
“ It sounds like it, but I wish it didn’t include church.”
“Tad! I’m asking if I’ve covered the Bumpit.” She patted the top of her head where she had
placed an artificial mound to give her hair a lift. “Do I have it covered in
the back or is it showing?”
“It’s covered. It looks just like something your dad would
take to the taxidermist.” He grinned, she
puckered, he changed the subject. “I think you’re making up this thing about Harvest
Sunday. Sounds as artificial as that
bump-out thing on your head. ”
“Well, you have, too heard of it,Tad, it’s that Sunday when
the little kids bring in canned goods and put 'em up front. Remember the time
Field put a can of beer on the alter? I still wonder where he got it.” She
raised an eyebrow and looked at her husband suspiciously.
“Oh, yeah, well…” he broke eye contact for a few seconds,
then changed tactics. Rubbing her shoulders he whined, “Jeese, Rachael, can’t
we miss it this year? Or maybe you could go alone…” Under the best of
circumstances his voice was high for a man, and when he begged, he sounded like
a girl. “If you ask me, Christmas and
Easter are enough.”
“That’s why I don’t ask you. The First Family is going to
be seen in church this coming Sunday, so put on your big boy pants and suck it
up. By the way, the choir could use more sopranos for the Christmas cantata,
why don’t you volunteer?”
“Ha, ha.” He removed
his hands from her shoulders. In the mirror she saw he had three fingers tucked
into his right palm, leaving one standing alone. She gave him a smug smile
knowing she’d gotten to him.
“Well, it better go quick,” he growled. “Sunday’s my day to
work in the garage. There’s a lot left to do before I take that baby for a
trial run.”
“You think you can give an hour to the cause, Tad? Really?
We’re talking about a real baby here. Our fifth baby ya know. I think that’s a
little bigger than this winter’s race.”
The two of them had decided to raise this grandchild. At
one time, early in the marriage, they thought they wanted five children, anyway.
That was the master bedroom became “Mom’s
room.” Rachael hadn’t been pregnant now
for more than six years, but she remembered the details of the last one in
great detail. Chronically exhausted, she had some blood work done. When the
doctor called with results, her voice told Rachael it was more than a case of
iron deficiency. Dr. Quinn was not only the Saplin family physician, but also a
long-time friend of Rachael’s. Rachael knew many different faces and voices of
her friend, but she hadn’t heard that voice before.
In the private office of Dr. Katty Quinn, Rachael learned that she was carrying a
seven week fetus. Due to her age and
previous history of spontaneous abortion, some complications were possible. Dr.
Quinn in a well-practiced tone described the good and the bad, the likely and
the not so likely, and the legal and medical choices. Options included ending
the pregnancy.
Rachael learned something about herself, she learned she
was no different than the women and girls who, finding themselves in “less than
ideal” circumstances, choose to terminate their pregnancies. Out of town three
days after learning of her condition, a voice in her head kept repeating “Go
find Planned Parenthood. Medical records are protected by Federal law. No
one knows you in New Orleans.” Tossing and turning through the night, she wrestled with the freshly exposed shallowness
of her own commitment to life.
It was a few weeks later that she told Tad about their
“surprise.” No big deal to Tad, he didn’t see it changing anything. He’d
still work up North on his two week on/two week off work schedule. He’d still
go away a couple months in winter to prepare for racing. And he’d still spend
at least a month in the summer fishing. What was the big deal? Another Saplin
running around with the cousins. He hoped it would be a boy.One thing they both
agreed on was that Rachael would have her tubes tied at the conclusion of this
pregnancy, even if she miscarried again.
Tad didn’t get his son, but the minute he laid eyes on
Pride, he was smitten. Afterwards, Rachael had the planned surgery; sealing off
the chance that she’d ever be tempted again to have an abortion. Even thinking
about it was a sin. When the National Right to Life Organization asked if baby Pride
could be used in an advertisement, Rachael jumped at the chance to put angel
wings on the plump, 8-month old and have her picture plastered on posters and
pamphlets. Rachael knew without a doubt, that God was saying, “I sent you this
angel as a messenger to proclaim that your sin is forgiven, I shall remember it
no more.” Well, if He doesn't remember
it, neither do I And I won’t think of it again. And I won’t think of what I did
back in …Nope won’t think about that, either. It didn’t happen, ‘cause God has
taken all my sin away. I’m sinless. Yup, you betcha.”
The plan they came up with to cover for Cristol had it all.
After the baby came, an announcement from the Governor’s office would put a
spin on the story that would make Rachael and Tad look like saints, and at the
same time, it would provide cover for Cristol. “Governor Saplin and her husband,
Tad, are pleased to introduce the youngest member of their family. Through
adoption, they have opened their home and their hearts to …” Rachael and Tad
would claim that they were so grateful to God for the blessings in their lives
that they wanted to share their good fortune with a child who would otherwise
face an uncertain future. Knowing full well that birth and adoption records
would be sealed, they had no fear that supermarket tabloids could uncover the
truth, and the main stream media wouldn’t even try. The press and the public would
both understand that the family would be legally prevented from talking about
the child’s parentage. No one would ever dare even whisper a suggestion that
the birth mother was their own daughter. That would be tawdry.
Rachael pictured a gaggle of reporters vying for photos of
the newborn, and she could almost hear the phone ringing off the hook with well
wishers. The double blessing in all this was that, ironically, it might be the
very thing that could secure her the Vice Presidential nod. It was a long shot,
but Senator McElwain and his wife Mindy had an adopted daughter, and if the
Republicans were to select the popular war hero as their candidate in 2008,
well… the scenario was right out of a novel, or, as Rachael saw it, God’s handiwork.
Thrilled with the potential for political superstardom that might spring from
two horny teenager’s recklessness, she said out loud, “God is awesome.”
Tad, not knowing the meandering she’d just done along the
cow paths in her head, looked at her like she was crazy.“Let’s go. The sooner
we get there, the sooner we can leave.”
CHAPTER FORTY
“Maple!” Tad hollered out the window of the black SUV with
government plates, “Let’ go!” He blew his horn impatiently. Maple ran out of
the house, climbed in, slamming the door. “I don’t want to go. This is stupid.
Why’s Wrangler’s family going to be there?”
“You never mind,” said her mother. “This party is for your
sister. Behave yourself.”
“You’re gonna owe me,” groused Maple. Then she put in her
earphones and tuned her parents out.
Rachael didn’t hear her, either. She was already focused on
other things.“ I hope Pride had a bath and got her hair washed,” she said. “Sometimes
mom and dad slack off.” . Pride had been with Betty and Buck for two days.
There was nothing unusual about that; the little girl had spent more time in
the care of grandparents and aunts than she had with her own parents. Even
Cristol had been more of a mother to Pride than Rachael had been.
Pulling up in front of the house, Rachael became squinty-eyed;
she pursed her lips and blew out through her nose loudly. Tad followed her gaze
to the front stoop where Betty Heat was welcoming the Strausses - Wrangler,
Jerrie and Porsche. He knew which one of the three caused his wife’s reaction.
It happened every time. But why? Why did her blood pressure go up whenever she
saw Porsche Strauss?
Tad was glad that Maple jumped out of the car and headed
for the house before either of her parents even opened a door, it gave him a
chance to say, “Now Rachael, Honey. Calm down “
Tad feared that any drama could lengthen the night, and he wanted to simply shake some hands, have
cake, and get out.
“Shut up, Tad.” Rachael wasn’t in control of her feelings.
Her stomach churned from juvenile jealousy and resentments that were decades
old. Wrangler’s sister, with her friendly smile, perfect teeth, and clear, bright
green eyes, stirred up painful memories. She resembled Pepper Ideal Rachael’s
eighth grade rival whom she had known only that one school year and hadn’t seen
in nearly thirty.
Ancient demons from her past had their claws sunk deeply
into her psyche. She had wrestled with them before and was sure that Satan sent
them to torment her. She couldn’t exorcise them through her own efforts though she’d tried many times. Someday, she
hoped to be set free through the laying on of hands in prayer. God had told her
to do so. But that would mean confessing this ugliness within to someone at
church, and she wasn’t ready to do that.
She knew the very day this spirit of jealousy possessed her.
It was the first day of her last year of Junior High. Rachael Heat had
decorated the outside of her fresh new pocket folders with peace signs and
flowers, and inside each one she’d written “Kenny” multiple times inside large
loopy hand drawn hearts. Blissfully unaware that her crush, Kenneth Mainerd, had
been smitten by a new girl in town, she returned to school that year with the
intention of becoming “Kenny’s girl.”
Pepper Ideal was cute. The effect of her thick golden mane
and emerald eyes was captivating and she spoke with a heavy southern accent
that would have assured her of popularity in any Junior High school north of
the Mason-Dixon line. But as fate had it, the Ideals moved to Azzolla and
Pepper became the bane of existence for Rachael Heat. On that first day of
school the news that Kenny and Pepper were “going together” got around quickly.
By lunchtime, Pepper was seated at the cool kids table in the center of the cafeteria while Rachael and her athletic
girlfriends tried to look cool at their own table near the exit.
In gym class Pepper innocently talked about “my boyfriend Kenny”
who’d asked her to go steady as soon as they were introduced. Rachael broke
down in loud sobs, publically humiliating herself. Rachael’s resentment toward
the new classmate grew throughout the year as Pepper showed herself to be more
talented than Rachael in every leg of the classic secondary school tri-athelon
– academics, athletics, and social standing. All year, Rachael prayed that she would
have the last laugh. She also sought the help of her earthly father, Buck Heat
the Junior High school teacher and coach.
Every year, in May, faculty picked the student who would
give the eighth grade graduation address. It was a very big deal. Her father
told her it was “in the bag” because the teachers were his friends and
colleagues. In her mind, she pictured walking onto the stage to loud applause, standing
in a spotlight, waving, and waiting for the adulation to die down. Then she
would deliver a message that people would talk about for years. At reunions
when they were all old, people would bring up her magnificent speech. And no
one would even remember that new girl’s name.
On May first, the
teachers selection was announced. Pepper Ideal would give the eighth-grade
class graduation speech. The honor that Rachael coveted most had gone to
someone she hated! Running all the way home, she burst through the backdoor.
Looking for Betty. “Mom,” she choked, “I’m
devastated!” Sobbing and sniveling in the way only heartbroken
thirteen-year-old-girls can, she let her mother hug her and stroke her head.
Rachael’s red rimmed eyes broke Betty’s heart and she did her best to console
her. “You’re moving on to High School now, Honey. By August you won’t even
remember this.” Though she said it, she knew better. Her second daughter had
never shown a capacity to forgive or forget. Later, when Buck got home, Rachael
demanded an explanation. “Well, see, it was like this. We had a tie. Then the
band director showed up, and his vote put Pepper over the top.”
The band director! She should have known. Since fourth
grade, Rachael had been “learning” to play the flute. If she’d practiced, she
might have actually been able to play decently at the junior high level, but as
it was, she hated playing the flute, never practiced, and made mistakes during
concerts. She hadn’t respected the band director or the other flutists enough
to work at the assignments. Who could have known how important it would be to
her whole future? Mr. Hoover had paid her back. That’s how she saw it. “I’ll
get even with Mr. Hoover. Someday, he’ll be sorry,” she said.
“That’s my girl,” said Buck Heat.
But the immediate target of her hatred was Pepper. She
fashioned a voo-doo doll out of an old sock, and stuck pins in it every night
all summer while Kenneth and Pepper grew more serious. Then, suddenly, the
Ideal family moved away. Had Rachael caused that? Was she guilty of witchcraft?
She felt a little scared and almost dirty. “I am not a witch,” she practiced
saying in case anyone ever suspected otherwise. But those feelings evaporated
the moment she saw Kenneth Mainerd walk into her freshman homeroom.
As a thirteen year old Rachael had diligently recorded her
thoughts and feelings in a cheap dime store diary. Now forty-three, she still made
daily notations, except they were entered into a sealskin journal. Recent
entries revealed that being around Porsche brought back her “worst eighth-grade
nightmares.”
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Tension was in the air and on the faces of almost everyone in the room. Only Porsche and Pride were did not know
that the “party” was really a thinly disguised excuse to give the two families
a chance to get to know one another a bit better. The rest were under
strict orders not to bring up the subject of the b-a-b-y.
The dining room
table looked obscenely festive with ten sets of colorful clowns in primary-hued
garb leering up from paper plates and encircling paper cups. The two families
were not blending. The teenagers congregated at the end of the room near
a TV tray table where a couple liters of soft drink were set out with a bowl of
ice and dish of M&M’s. At the other end of the room, Pride stood at her
mother’s chair, watching her scroll through messages on two Blackberries.
Smiling at their guests, the Heat’s thought
Jerrie looked vaguely familiar, but couldn’t place her. It wasn’t lost on
Jerrie that their eyes didn’t confirm the upward positions of their mouths. Wrangler had told his mom quite a bit about Buck
and Betty, things he’d seen and heard picking up or dropping off Pride, or
things that came from Cristol. These people were odd. That was the only label
she would allow herself to put on them without first hand observations. The
party had the potential for adding new words to Jerrie’s private thesaurus for
words meaning “parent’s of Governor Saplin.” Jerrie looked around the room, taking in the
various pelts, mounted heads, racks of antlers, and stuffed wild animals. She
found irony in the décore. These pelts and dead things are more appropriate
decorations than the silly store-bought paper products ‘cause this whole thing
feels more like a wake than a party. She
was right; it was a stiff obligatory mingling of loosely related people trying find
something to talk about besides the reason that brought them together. “Real
nice place you have here,” Jerrie said to Betty. The words “crazy,” “loony”
and “nuts” made their way onto the list of synonyms in her head.
Tad was in the kitchen helping himself to a beer. Buck left
the others and joined him. “Well, Grandpa,” he said grinning his old man grin
at his son-in-law. “The tradition continues.” He gave Tad a slap on the back,
then got himself a beer. He raised his bottle and gave Tad a nod. They were
taking long draughts from their bottles when Wrangler came in. The host opened
up the big side-by-side and took out another beer. “Hey, young man, “ he said,
handing over a bottle, “I was just remarking to Mr. Saplin here that you and
Cristol are carrying on the family tradition.”
Wrangler turned his head slightly to the right, keeping eye
contact. He moved his jaw in a manner
universally interpreted to mean “I’m listening – go on.” Most people failed to
appreciate the genius in Wrangler’s mastery of brevity. Through body language and facial expression,
his communications were clear, even though he was nearly mute much of the time.
“This is a third-generation shotgun marriage, young man.
That’s just a figure of speech, mind you,” Buck hastened to clarify. “Yes, you
and Cristol are starting out just like Tad and Rachael did, and just like Betty
and I. Got a‘bun in the oven’, huh? Yep, third generation. I’d say that
constitutes a family tradition.” he raised his bottle to Wrangler’s and
they made a thud, hitting label on label. “Congratulations. You’ve got yourself
a great set of in laws.” His Andy Rooney eyebrows bounced up and down a couple
times before he put the bottle to his lips again.
“Yeah, whatever,” was all Wrangler said, but he looked
startled. It wasn’t the “bun in the oven” remark that bothered him, he knew
Cristol’s grandparents were on the “need to know list.” And it wasn’t “news” that Cristol’s mother and
grandmother had each delivered full-term firstborns less than eight months
after they got married. Everybody knew that. No, it was the talk about in laws
and marriage. Marriage? his stomach
turned over. I’m seventeen! I’m not
getting married at seventeen. Who says we’re getting married? And he can shove
that whole “figure of speech” thing right up his ass. Who does he think he’s
fooling? When it comes to shotguns, Mr. Heat is dead serious.
Suddenly, he realized the party was a trap. The Heats and
the Saplins wanted a wedding and they probably thought his mother would help
them talk him into it. They were pretty clever, getting the families together
so there would be witnesses. Oh yeah, he could see it now, they had him right where
they wanted him. Is Cristol in on this?
No, she’d have told me. Wouldn’t she?
He stepped over to the sink and poured the beer down the
drain. There would be no inebriated pledge of marriage in front of a room full of witnesses. Nope, not gonna happen.
With a clear mind and silence he could get himself safely through the mine
field of this “birthday party.” The designated driver motto “Sober and Safe”
came to mind. It had gotten him and his friends home after many parties, it
would get him home without harm from this party, too.
Rachael had made no vow of sobriety. Though she rarely
drank, she’d had a stiff one before they left home and started on her second as
soon as they arrived. Her state of discomfort with this party, and the effects
of alcohol on the near tea-totaller, worked in tandem to exaggerate her
reactions and emotions. To Cristol she sloppily gushed “Seventeen! My baby’s
not a baby anymore.”
This got an immediate rise out of Pride. “But Mommy,
Cristol isn’t your baby,” she protested, “I’m your baby.” Pouty, proud, and
craving attention, Pride climbed into Rachael’s lap and wrapped her arms around
her mother’s neck. “I love you Mommy. I’m your baby. Right, Mommy?”
“Oh, yes! Yes you are,” Rachael’s reassurance had a loud,
shrillness to it, “You betcha! You’re Mommy’s baby. Mommy’s precious baby. “
Hugging her youngest tight to her chest she looked around the room. Her passive
aggressiveness was out in full force, and she couldn’t resist using the
forbidden word again and again. “Absolutely,” she nodded like a plastic dog in
a rear view window, “And you know what? You’ll always be the baby in this
family.”
“And babies are special, right Mommy?”
“Yes, Pride. All babies are special. Babies are a gift from
God.”
Baby! Baby! Baby! Cristol felt as if she was being punched
in the gut. She glared at her mother but Rachael was avoiding eye contact.
Rachael was on a tear. She was mad, she was hurt, and in
her alcohol emboldened state, she didn’t care if Cristol got hurt, too. If
fact, she wanted her words to sting. “Baby, you are Mommy and Daddy’s pride and
joy, that’s why we named you that, Baby.”
Cristol wanted to puke, and it wasn’t sick-to-her-stomach
mother-to-be nausea. As Cristol stood to
head for the bathroom, Rachael spread the final gob of nasty words on the
poisoned cake of messages she’d whipped up at this party, “You are such a good
girl, Pride. Such a good girl.” Getting weepy, she slurred, “You never disappoint
Mommy and Daddy, do you, baby?” Hugging
Pride, she held on for what seemed like minutes. Finally loosening the hold on
the six-year-old, she brushed loose strands of hair from Pride’s cheek and
said, “You are such a good girl.”
“Are Maple and Cristol good girls, too?” Pride asked,
not entirely guileless.
“They were,” answered Rachael, “when they were your age,
also.”
Everyone froze and stared at Rachael. She looked around the
room at them, feigning wide-eyed innocence. “What?” she asked in a girlish
voice. She fooled only Pride. “Let’s sing, Happy Birthing! Dang! I mean
Birthday,” she threw her head back and cackled. Jerrie winced.
“Ha ha,” laughed Pride. “Mommy said ‘happy birthing. That’s
silly. Mommy you are so silly.”
Rachael, still giggling, gave Pride another hug. With a
look of satisfaction and a phony brightness in her voice she asked, “Who wants
cake?”
2 comments:
Thanks Allison,
I'll have a piece of cake...
Excellent, as always, Allison. Thanks!
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